Graduation Mayhem
by Saiyachick
Summary: In response to the 'Celebrate Eclipse' Challenege During a graduation party, a LOT of things can happen Mentions of a dented Aston Martin, Jacob having I Love Bella Swan painted on his chest, and so much more...


Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series. That right belongs to Stephenie Meyers.

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Read and Review

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In response to Cocoa's challenge: "_Take all of the Eclipse quotes of the day for the month of July and form them into on chapter of a fanfic, between 3,000 and 5,000 words. And it has to make sense! LOL! All quotes must be said by the people they are attributed to and used in chronological order, starting with the July 1 quote and ending with the July 31 quote_."

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**Graduation**

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Graduation. A time for celebration and progression to a new future-unless you are a vampire-in which the moment was just a bore. The whole ceremony went smoothly as planned and the whole gang was currently in Bella's yard as the chief threw a party for all the graduates. The fact that he could keep a close eye on his daughter and her boyfriend, whom he detested, was just a coincidence.

"Edward, would you please change your mind?"

"For the last time Bella," Edward said with an amused expression, "If you marry me then I will grant you your wish."

"Ticket for one to Italy," Bella muttered under her breath.

"And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche," Alice chimed as Esme took another picture.

Edward frowned. "We never said anything about sports cars."

"Well now you did," his sister said smartly. "Remember, you said Christmas."

"Yeah, yeah," Edward mumbled. "Greedy, indulging sister."

"But you wouldn't have me any other way."

"I'm not so sure."

"That's beside the point," Alice said while waving her hand to dismiss the topic. Her eyes then narrowed with disgust. "Wolf boy is here."

"Would you quit calling me that leech?" Jacob Black hissed as he trudged up to Bella and held out a card. "Happy graduation."

"Aw, thanks Jake. You didn't have to get me anything though," Bella said, flashing a smile to the Quileute boy.

"It's nothing," Jacob said, grinning at Bella and giving her a quick hug. His eyes snapped towards Edward and his jaw hardened. "Isn't it time for you to pick up and leave already?"

"Go chase your tail dog."

Jacob growled and sent Edward a dark look. "So how much are you paying Bella to stay with you? Last time I checked you-" he thought the rest of his comment. The words weren't very appropriate to say around a lady.

Edward smirked and shook his head at the Jacob's thoughts. "I prefer brunettes," he replied smoothly.

An impish grin appeared on Jacob's face as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm flattered Cullen, but I don't swing that way."

Edward shot a glare. "Insolent little mutt." He curled his lip. "If I did _swing that way _I would make sure the person was up to par."

"Bite me," Jacob hissed sardonically. "Oh I forgot-that's what you do."

"Wolves are for game," Edward shot back. "They taste lousy."

"Really? So if I cut myself-"

"We're a bit sensitive to blood around here. I'm sure you can understand that," Bella growled lowly as she glared at the two boys. "Now behave or else-" she never did get to finish; Renee came and pulled Bella in front of a camera with her.

"Smile dear," Renee said through a bright grin as Charlie snapped away. Who knew the man would be camera happy? "Now Bella, I need to talk to you…alone."

Bella sighed. She knew what her mother was going to say because they always had the same conversation. "Yeah mom?"

"It's about your boyfriend," Renee said, biting her lip in the process. "There's something…strange about the way you two are together… The way he watches you—it's so…protective. Like he's about to throw himself in front of a bullet to save you or something."

"Well we are pretty serious mom…"

"You aren't," Renee looked around to make sure no one was listening. "You aren't having sex with him…right?"

"UGH MOM!" Bella shouted, her cheeks turning a deep red.

"Well Bella, I just want to know if you are being…safe."

Bella shuddered. How could her mother think that? "No mom-we are not having sex."

Renee's eyes filled with worry. "Don't rush into anything, ok?"

"I won't mom," Bella said as she walked back to Jacob and Edward. She frowned as she saw they were still fighting.

"You said you owed me, so that's what I want," the younger boy argued.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I told you I'm not leaving till Bella sends me away. Give me a call when you have a more plausible wish."

"I don't have any leeches on my speed dial," Jacob snapped. "And I don't plan to."

Emmett chuckled heartily as he walked up to the scene and nodded towards Jacob. "I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you. Everything's so much more fun with you around."

"As if that weakling could even lay a hand on me-OW!" Jacob growled, rubbing his head where Edward smacked him.

"Reflex," Edward said with a shrug as he pulled back his arm.

Bella rubbed her temples. "Boys…"

"I'll show you reflex!"

"UGH would you two just SHUT UP?" Bella yelled, glaring at both Edward and Jacob. "Here's the thing…I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are."

"Limits?" Jasper asked as he and Rosalie appeared behind Emmett. "That doesn't seem possible Bella. You can run around with a bunch of monsters, almost get mauled by me and Laurent, jump off a cliff…and you set your limits based on a petty argument between two idiots?"

"I didn't think it was possible, but considering past experience," she then pinched the bridge of her nose. "Those two are really testing what little limits I have."

"Hey everyone!" Angela Weber called out, waving towards Alice and Bella. Edward said he had something to do.

"Hey Ang." Bella said with a smile.

"Sorry I couldn't call you back last night," replied the sandy-haired girl. "My battery died, but about what you were saying-I'm sure Edward will understand."

"It is awful," Bella groaned. "It'll kill him."

"Boys will be boys," Angela sighed, "Edward's only human, Bella. He's going to react like any other boy." She then walked away to go meet up with her boyfriend Ben.

"If you only knew," Bella groaned again.

Charlie came around with the camera and saw Bella's expression. "What happened?"

"Bella accidentally dented the Aston Martin," Alice stated. "Sorry Bella, I couldn't warn you about that in time."

Charlie let out a low whistle. "I never thought I needed to teach you how to throw a punch. Guess I was wrong about that."

"Well gee, thanks a lot dad. I feel so comforted by you saying that."

"Edward wouldn't dare touch Bella," Emmett said with a grin. "He knows that everyone will beat on him before he could even lay a finger on her."

"We'd lock him up before anything would happen," Alice said with a wicked grin. "This hostage stuff is fun." Her smile then turned to a frown as she looked over Bella's shoulder. "Ugh-put on a shirt Jake! You are blinding me."

Jacob came waltzing back towards the group shirtless with 'I Love Bella Swan' painted on his chest. He shot a dirty look at Alice then turned to Bella. "Does my being half-naked bother you?"

"It certainly bothers me," Edward muttered under his breath as he came back from doing a certain something. "Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?" Edward asked as he turned down to a mortified Bella.

"Nah," she said as she sat down at one of the many chairs. "Meeting Jake would have been inevitable-you are a bonus."

"Gag me," Jacob mumbled as he sat down on the chair next to Bella.

"Gladly," Alice retorted as she pulled out a scarf from her bag. "I think your 'I want to show off for Bella' routine is getting a little old."

"How about I show off how I can rip you to pieces?" Jacob hissed under his breath.

"Oh real tough," Rosalie snorted towards Jake. "That would look nice in front of everyone-you attacking a girl. That is really going to impress Bella."

Jacob slammed his hands down on the table and made it crack in half. "Considering you are made out of steel-"

Bella glared at Jacob. "I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."

"Oops. Sorry Bells."

"You know, after you broke my window last week, put a hole in the wall the week before that, and all the previous times," Bella said slowly. "Your apologies start to sound a bit dry."

"UGH! Stop thinking about Bella that way you pervert," Edward shouted as he clutched his head.

Jacob turned a dark shade of red. "Keep out of my mind you leech!"

After a while, everyone began to calm down and spoke of the good times they shared.

"-and then the damn bear ran off with my boxers," Emmett complained while throwing up his hands. "That's the last time I went swimming commando."

Everyone paled at the story.

"Next?" Bella pleaded as she stared around the circle.

"Would you like to hear my story, Bella? It doesn't have a happy ending—but which of ours does? If we had happy endings, we'd all be under gravestones now." Rosalie drawled as she played around with her plate full of food.

"Aren't we the optimist?" Jacob snickered. He received a kick in the shin from the blond. He shot her a glare and huffed. "Fine. I'll tell a story. Embry, Quil, and I were out one day to hunt when we were twelve-"

"Twelve?" Bella gasped while staring at Jacob. "It's dangerous to hunt-let alone to be that young."

"You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous," Edward commented. "You bore me wolf boy. Someone else tell a story."

Jacob huffed and clenched his fists. He then nodded towards Jasper. "What's your story? You barely said a word all day."

"Long story short," Jasper said slowly, "I didn't have quite the same…upbringing as my adopted siblings here. My beginning was something else entirely." He then stopped and went back to arm wrestling with Emmett.

Jacob rolled his eyes and stared at Edward. A sly grin then appeared on his face. "I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me."

"One, I should've made it clear. I prefer girls who are brunettes. Second, don't think I don't know what you're up to mutt, that would breech the treaty," Edward said while waving his finger at Jacob like a child. "The gesture is kind of you, but no thanks," Edward's voice changed to sarcasm.

"Smug bastard."

"It's the thought that counts. I ought to know," Edward snickered.

"I think they're lusting after on another," Jasper stated simply. "The sexual frustration is undeniable."

"Well, that just sucks! I guess I'm stuck with Mike Newton after all." Bella exclaimed, feigning distress. She then got up to make a dramatic exit, but the heel of her shoes caught into the grass leading her to tumble down. "Ouch."

"Fall down again, Bella?" Emmett chuckled as he helped up the fallen girl. "You are never going to change." He tutted while wagging a finger. "You are too accident prone young lady."

Bella pouted and stomped her foot childishly. "I'm getting better at it."

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on T.V." Jacob said with an amused tone. He was about to say something else but his phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Embry-wait what? Fine." He then put it on speaker phone. "Go ahead."

"Hey, vampire girl!" Embry dubbed Bella with that nickname. "I just wanted to wish you a happy graduation day."

Bella laughed. "Thanks Em."

"And if you've dumped that loser boyfriend and you aren't into Jake maybe we can-" The phone was silenced as Jacob brushed it to pieces. "Moron," he muttered under his breath.

Edward frowned. "And you said you were not attractive."

"I'm not!" Bella wailed. "I honestly don't see what anybody sees in me. You'd be better off with out me," she teased lightly. "My pitiful human emotions might impact your judgment."

"Don't use my own words against me," Edward chuckled as he put an arm around her. "Besides…the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I'm discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn't think possible before."

"Well then sympathize with me and change me already!" Bella exclaimed. "What's the worse that could happen?"

"Let's see," Jacob said while counting off his fingers. "That would break the treaty, cause a war, I'd have to kill him…"

"As if you could kill me mutt," Edward scoffed while leaning back against the chair.

"Things would've been so much easier if I went to the Volturi and let them have me," Bella groaned.

"Do you think either of them would give up if you died? They'd still fight, we all would. You can't change anything, so just be good, okay?" Alice said as she looked up from her fashion magazine. "I swear Bella; sometimes you act like such a kid."

"As much as I hate to admit it Bella, the leech is right," Jacob said. "If you left I'd still be dead-set on exterminating bloodsuckers-OW-why in the hell is everyone injuring me today?"

Bella pulled her fork from under the table. "It slipped."

"Bella?" Edward asked while tapping his girlfriend on the shoulder. "I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object."

"I knew that stabbing you would be in vain," Bella stated. "You've been through enough pain."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Haha don't listen to me," Bella laughed nervously.

"Bella-"

They were interrupted as Billy's voice echoed as he spoke to Carlisle and Charlie. "-the stories say that the Cold Woman was the most beautiful thing human eyes had ever seen. She looked like the goddess of the dawn when she entered the village that morning; the sun was shining for once, and it glittered off her white skin and lit the golden hair that flowed down to her knees. Her face was magical in its beauty, her eyes black in her white face. Some fell to their knees to worship her."

"Sounds like you Rose," Emmett said. "I think the old man is hitting on you."

"He isn't my type," Rosalie replied with a soft smile. "I prefer the 'forever young' category."

"Bye the looks of it, he is no winner," Emmett chuckled.

"It's a good thing you're bulletproof," Bella whispered quietly. "Because I think Jacob is about to steal Charlie's gun and shoot you."

Emmett shrugged. "Easy come, easy go."

Jacob glared daggers at Emmett. "Just you wait leech-"

"Hey Jacob, did you know that girl over there is just in love with you?" Bella yelled while pointing to Jessica Stanley. "She's been telling everyone who will listen that she wants to date you."

"And have your litter of mutts," Alice offered.

Jacob grinned foolishly as he stared at the curly-haired girl. "Well I am charming…" he said as he stalked over to Jessica and tried to sweet talk her.

Three minutes later everyone her a resounding slap and scream.

"I offered eternal servitude, remember. I'm your slave for life," he shouted, waving his hands over his head. "We could make beautiful music together!"

"Ugh that is disgusting-you are way too young for me," Jessica shrieked wildly. "I feel like screaming!"

Bella giggled wildly and clutched her stomach. She got up from the table with Edward and walked to a remote area. "And that is payback for the motorcycle."

"So Bella…about you saying I was in enough pain," Edward started.

"Er-wait a minute-what were YOU doing before?"

Edward shrugged. "Well I didn't steal an Audi for you-"

"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did," Bella moaned as she smacked her forehead.

"That depends. Are you thinking I bought you a car?" a crooked smile formed on his lips.

"Ugh you jerk!"

"You know, most people would say 'thank you'."

"If you haven't noticed already, I'm not most people."

"Of course you aren't. Most people would run and scream if I told them I was a vampire."

"You are impossible!"

"And you are stubborn, now" he said as he backed me against the tree. "Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?" Edward whined as he shook her lightly.

"Oh, from the looks of it Bella told you," Charlie said lowly, walking up towards the young couple. "Sorry about the damage on your Aston Martin."

"Dad!"

"M-my Aston Martin?" Edward asked slowly. He then ran towards Emmett and grabbed the keys to his Jeep to drive home, praying the 'ding' on his precious car was a joke.

Bella glared at Charlie. "Well gee, thanks a lot dad."

Charlie shrugged, glad that he actually caused Edward some small amount of pain. "Maybe you should pick on something your own size," he said gruffly. "When it comes to men and their cars, men will always choose the car." He then walked away towards the party leaving Bella alone.

A pout formed on her lips. "Now I'll never be a vampire."

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Authoress note: Yeah, so this story was complete crap ha ha. Sorry, it is about 1:15 A.M. and I can't sleep so I decided to take on the challenge and I suggest that if you read this story and on top of that, if you read this authors note you should send me reviews wishing me to burn in the pits of hell for writing such a mary-sue-ish story. LOL Yeah I know, I'm horrible. Honestly, I'm not usually like this. Catch my on a better time. Much love people!


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